CORONAVIRUS continues to be the prevailing epidemic though the DIRECTORS OF BOMBAYWALLA HISTORICAL WORKS notice a slight improvement in the health of the Town.
The EDITOR of a leading semi-monthly magazine has regained sight in his right eye after suffering a retinal detachment (the left eye was lost to the affliction a decade ago). To such an active, working and useful man, such a condition was a severe trial, let alone to his wife and daughter who turned their dwelling-house into a sanatorium, before becoming sick and convalescent themselves! The EDITOR has consented to use the services of Suffer Ally, a hack buggy-walla he had formerly accused of cheating, for the purpose of being driven from his dwelling-house to his office within the FORT.
The BOOK EDITOR of the said magazine has been restored to a satisfactory state of health after a fall during a shower bath in his apartment in COLABA. He has discarded his back brace, a mechanism that made him resemble the Chaplain of Colaba, and has resumed wearing a variety of blue and scarlet superfine shirts in the latest fashion. The BOOK EDITOR comfortably walks to the Royal Bombay Yacht Club, where he enjoys excellent cuisine in the Dining Rooms, rendered so spacious, airy and agreeable, that they actively guard against the climate of CORONAVIRUS.
MISS BOMBAYWALLA has by-passed the slight improvements and opted for a thorough overhaul of her commercial establishment and domestic economy during LATE LOCKDOWN. No longer able to digest the threatening language of local practitioners, she has been introduced to a HEALTH RESTORING ARTIST who immediately likened BOMBAYWALLA’S ROSE to the pattern on the streets of BARCELONA!
MISS BOMBAYWALLA’S household STUDIO has been ordered on the most economical terms, her hair dresser V. Rodrigues informed that hair cutting, not hair dressing, is the new norm. MISS BOMBAYWALLA will meet a showy brown stud 17 hands high, at the BREACH, with her hair dried on the most natural terms.
Tardeo Road, 2nd January, 2021.
NOTICE, READ THIS IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT- The Conducting Director of BOMBAYWALLA HISTORICAL WORKS has lately settled in Bombay, wishing to reduce her travels or give them up altogether, and purposes to proceed with the expansion of her business, on terms which she trusts will meet the approval of her Constituents.
MISS BOMBAYWALLA confirms she has deferred her passage on the Bengal which leaves our harbor this day at 9 a. m. for China- calling at Galle, Madras, Calcutta- after discovering that the new generation of Bengalees- YOUNG BENGAL, as they are collectively called- had discredited her as “wanting to be famous yesterday”.
She will contain her movements within central Bombay, going from Tardeo Road to Café de la Paix, avoiding the cafes of the FORT, where café proprietors promise pistachio ice-cream in the ice-cream room but are caught running away with European performers from the McCOLLUM’S CIRCUS instead!
On FRIDAY the 27th March MISS BOMBAYWALLA discovered that the public has been supplied with SPURIOUS IMITATIONS of her in the living photographic picture MASKA, which in the three or more instances of hairstyle, dress and occupation closely resemble her genuine self but in matters of purse, pronunciation and liaisons with men at 5 a.m., bears no resemblance to her honourable character.
MISS BOMBAYWALLA further gives notice that she will proceed against any one who may infringe upon her rights either by imitation, enticement or curtailment of her creative freedoms.
Tardeo Road, 14th April, 2020.
THE DIRECTORS of BOMBAYWALLA HISTORICAL WORKS have much pleasure in informing the distinguished gentry of Bombay that their company will shortly commence business as TOUR OPERATORS of the principal buildings of the Island.
The tours will be the best procurable in Bombay, and no pains are being spared to secure exclusive access to the buildings, the appearances of well-known artists and refreshments of the finest selection.
Ladies and Gentlemen should be careful not to equate our enterprise with touring companies such as McCOLLUM'S CIRCUS and MR. and MISS GRATTAN'S THEATRICAL GROUP, that solicit the favour of the Shethias of Bombay to patronise their grand spectacles.
MISS BOMBAYWALLA begs to inform her constituents that unlike MISS EMMA GRATTAN, who has made a tour of the United States and South America, and moreover lately been to China, she has given up altogether her travels to Great Britain, no longer having to call at Dubai where she was routinely chased by a gang of Moplas intent on knocking her down with a stick.
THE DIRECTORS guarantee that MISS BOMBAYWALLA is well-equipped to conduct the tours, having diffused knowledge through the medium of her BLOG and DPhil DISSERTATION over the last four years and having lately been instructed by them in the new musical sounds of jazz, literary works in the Marathee and Guzaratee languages, the principles of design and the fashion of wearing longcloth shirt with a scarf!
Bastion Road, 12th September, 2017.
MISS SIMIN PATEL respectfully begs to return her best thanks for the assistance she has received from Messrs. Murty, Shukla, Coutinho, Patel, Gandavia & Sengupta and Mmes. Wadia, Patel, Driver & Potdar while setting up the Blog.
BOMBAYWALLA has been stylishly fitted with photographic depictions and brief descriptions of the structures in the city. The first class logo is based on a motif from the gates of the Arthur Crawford Municipal Market.
The Editor assures her Constituents that her travelling between Balliol and Bombay will not disrupt the updating of the Blog on Mondays and Fridays of every week. Nor will DPhil research divert her attention from the new commitment.
She trusts that the Blog will be honoured with the visits of the distinguished gentry of Bombay, the Outstations and beyond. If patrons would oblige by clicking Like on BOMBAYWALLA's Facebook page, updates would be regularly delivered to their News Feed.
** To the memory of M. N. D., an Adenwalla, with little regard for the original structure of her premises, this Blog is dedicated.